10 survival tips for travelling through Egypt

1. 1. Drive as if you never learned to drive

   Imagine yourself being on an average road. Every 500 meters there are either large holes in the asphalt, or speed bumps that force you to hit your breaks like a madman. On this road, there is no rule that says anything about a speed limit. On this road, people drive at the speed that they want in the lane that they like. Cars use no lights. Trucks are loaded so nonchalantly, that often sand, stones or cement leaks on the road before you. Total loss trucks and cars laying upside down beside the road. See the picture? Then you know that you are in Egypt. The Egyptions break every traffic rule that we know in Germany/The Netherlands. 3 lanes? The Egyptians squeeze into 4 or 5. Passing is on every side, not only over left. Nobody uses their rear view mirrors (many cars don’t have any). Turning is not indicated, and when then only by sticking your arm out the window. Traffic lights are only a suggestion and stop-signs do not exist. So how to survive on the road? Just surrender to this crazy road etiquette, don’t forget to honk loudly when you pass to make your presence known and you’ll be fine!

   

2. 
   2. Negotiate like you are broke

   The number one sport in Egypt, even more popular than soccer, is bargaining. They love it. In fact we have seen it with such young children, that it must be a genetic thing. They always open boldly with a ridiculous amount. It is amazing how their faces look so stoic while asking at least 5 times the price they charge locals. It’s fascinating actually. Don’t let it annoy you, but just put on your boxing gloves and have your round of sports. Enjoy the game! Throw in some personal details, ask about kids, and most importantly: look convincingly uninterested in the product and take your time. Works wonders!

3. 
   3. Pay for 1,5 liter water only 3 Egyptian pounds

   Wherever, whenever, doesn’t matter what brand you have in hand, cold water costs 3 Pounds (30 eurocents). Don’t listen to excuses of bold salesmen: ‘lady, but this is extra cold!’ Or ‘mister, 3 was yesterday, today is 4.’ Detail: water is more expensive than diesel, so it pays off to fight for your 3 pounds! And if it doesn’t work out, you can always turn to the public water facilities…
   
   

4. 4. Start every encounter with “We’re not buying, and no ‘just looking’ either.”

   Egyptians have a talent to start their business with a casual conversation, often opening the game with the very uncreative “where you from?” Because you don’t want to be rude, you put your pawn forward by saying your country. And before you know it, the seller bothers you for 15 minutes  with his offers. At best, the eager beaver accepts your ‘no’ and looks for business elsewhere. Most  likely, you are called the worst names and asked to f***** leave the country. Saying ‘no’ loud & clearly as soon as possible keeps them relatively friendly.

5. 
   5. Eat in town, not on the highway

   Sandwich falafel with baba ghanoug in a village: 15 eurocent.
   Sandwich falafel with baba ghanoug in the city: 25 eurocent.
   Sandwich falafel with baba ghanoug in a truckers cafe: 1,50 euro.
   

6. 6. No camels, cars or kids on your pictures

   Tourists are scarce, so the Egyptians have us tourists on their radar and a little voice in their head that says ‘squeeze every possible pound from their pockets.’ And what if don’t buy anything from you (thanks to the skills you required under point 4)? Just shove your camel, car or kid in front of their camera. And when they press that button, it means cash because they just ‘hired’ your property as photomodel. And that costs “one pound, madam.”
   

7. 
   7. Go see the Pyramids and Luxor when the country is in conflict

   Travel agencies are on no-risk policies, tourists are scared and bail out, flights are cancelled. Visiting Egyptian heritage moves to the bottom of many bucket lists. Which means that the sights are empty! Always wanted to have Japanese-free pictures of the Luxor temple? Always dreamt of hearing your voice echoing inside the great Cheops pyramid? Then go now, guaranteed a once in a lifetime experience.
   

8. 
   8. Ask prices before ordering food

   Okay you have probably done some bargaining upto now. And a basic rule is off course not to give away your position. And when the food already is in your stomach, your bargaining position is pretty weak. Then again you still have the possibility to walk away after paying what you think it was worth, but we Europeans don’t like to be rude. So to prevent the feeling of being kicked in the stomach when hearing the ridiculous price for your below average Shawarma, check the prices first.
   

9. 
   9. Drive only during the day, no nightcrawling

   As mentioned under point 1, driving on Egyptian roads can be a hazardous business. When cars approach at night, they keep their lights out until they’re close and then flash their ‘big light’ once. So when you are blinded and can’t see a damn thing for 10 seconds, you know a car just passed. And off course then you hit those 2 giant holes in the road, seriously jeopordizing your car’s suspension and tires. So if your love your car and your life, use that god-given sunlight!
   

10. 10. Accept that everything takes longer than you think

    It is remarkable how often god is present when the Egyptians have to deliver something on time. “Car is shipped tommorrow, inshallah.”. “Will talk for you Wednesday, inshallah”. “No more baksjiesj today, inshallah.” Just accept the fact that Monday means Wednesday, ‘maybe later’ means ‘no’ and ‘I fix it now’ means ‘maybe I’ll try later today. Inshallah’.  Take your time, sit back, have some tea and you’ll be fine.